How to use the site

Just read the information! Read all the pages because some subjects will be relevant to you now, while others will become important as you grow older. It is helpful, I think, to have a broad understanding of all the topics before you actually need the information in everyday life. That way, if a weird wet dream sneaks up on you or someone calls you 'poofter' or 'wanker' you'll already know the real story. You are less likely then to take in the idea that 'they must know something about me that I don't'.

Dr James Dobson in his video strongly suggests that a boy know this information before he reaches puberty - particularly the subject of masturbation.

It is interesting to note that 'good' boys seem to have more problems with their emerging sexuality. They have never had so many 'dirty' thoughts and dreams as they experience now. Their mind and body are no longer totally under their control any more.

Some boys will have already heard a lot of this information before. It is often mixed with secular and/or strange ideas on values and relationships, making it difficult for the boy to authoritatively choose the material which agrees with your principles and rejecting the rest. I understand you know your kids the best, but here are some ideas that I have found to work quite well and you may find useful.

If you are able to talk to your boy about this material, then that would be the preferred option. That interaction forges a bond between you both because you dared to talk about probably the most important issues in the world to him. For the rest of the parents (probably the majority) you could sit the boy down to read this site together or simply give the web address. You might even have to pay him to cooperate with you. His attitude will probably be that he 'knows all that stuff'.

Some of the boys I have spoken to on these topics are now married men and several have stated that giving them this information was a significant positive event that happened to them when they were a teenager - also noting that it needed to be a man passing on the information!

If you ask your boy questions to find if there is a need for this information you will mostly get denial, especially if he is already experiencing puberty. The thought process goes something like this: 'I am experiencing puberty in this area of ......... and mum just asked if I was having any problems in that same area. She must be able to tell what's going on!' This tends to drive the teenager deeper into himself and can make addressing about the subject even harder.

I usually start with a line like: 'I want to tell you about the weird stuff that happens to all guys your age'. The word 'weird' seems to grab their attention and open the door to let the information exchange happen (much better than saying 'sexual development phases you are about to pass through'). Depending on how well the boy can handle the information, I generally opt to encourage him to read the information on the website at his leisure. That way he can hone in on the information he needs at that time without the embarrassment of others knowing his private concern.

If you choose to talk, often the conversation will be one sided, so don't be put off by the silence. Know what you are going to say and keep going. Not too much detail in the first talk though. Once you have broken the ice it can be surprising some times how much freer the boy often becomes with the subject matter with you later on. It all depends on the quality of your relationship to the boy.

This will be controversial, but I have observed that women tend to think the information on the site is a bit over the top (overstated) whereas most men seem to agree that it is an accurate reflection of how it is for teenage boys.

You have a dilemma! On one hand, if you want to be effective with your teenagers, you really can't afford to ignore these issues. On the other hand, some of the material on this site is controversial and for parents who were brought up in an era when this wasn't talked about (and if it was, then it was often proclaimed as bad) it challenges and sometimes threatens their parenting ability.

When I realized the need that existed amongst teenage boys for this information, I held a meeting for the parents of the youths to present the issue to them. The parents all responded well and said the right things, but very few actually carried through to talk to their sons.

A few years later with a new generation of youths, I took the approach of telling the parents we were going to talk to their sons at a youth meeting and gave them a printed copy of the information we would be presenting on the night. The response was good and all of the boys were allowed to attend the meeting. I was quite surprised at the openness of some of the boys who attended, although one boy sat with his face hidden in his hands the whole night! It is a good idea to have another adult present in case misunderstandings of the material surface later on. This approach reached most of the boys in the youth group. Don't embarrass the guy having a tough time.

The next step was to put this information on to the internet and make the web address available to keep a professional distance to avoid misunderstandings.

I often use the information presented on this site in an elimination process. If a boy is not coping with life like he should, then knowing this information is not going to hurt him and in many cases it has proved to be a remedy for some of the problem symptoms.